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| He created man and woman. God created the concept of marriage, but it takes a God who likes to laugh to place a man and a woman in the same house together for life. Think about it. He created woman and the institution of marriage BEFORE man ate fruit from the tree that gave him the knowledge and the ability to distinguish between good and evil. A woman’s body temperature is at least 15 to 20 degrees colder than a man’s. Can’t you just hear Him? “Peter, did you see how many times those two got up and adjusted their thermostat yesterday? If it weren’t for the arguments they have over the temperature of their house, they wouldn’t even be speaking.” “Yeah,” Peter said. “You’re pretty clever, God. But that’s not nearly as funny as listening to them after they’ve been apart for several days.” “What do you mean?” God asks. “Well, you know how you created woman so that she speaks about 50,000 words per day, whether she has anything meaningful to say or not?” “Yeah. What’s your point?” “It’s this. You created man so that he speaks only 15,000 words in a day.” “Go on, I’m listening.” “Well, after Adam, for example, has been gone on a road trip selling his produce from the Garden of Eden and has been talking from sunup until sundown to everybody he can find, the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is engage in a long one-sided conversation.” “You see the humor in that do you? You’re pretty perceptive, Peter. Not everybody picks up on that one.” “Thanks, God. It just knocks me out to watch Adam try to look interested while Eve brings him up-to-date on all that’s happened while he was away. “I mean, he’s been gone on a business trip for 10 days. He’s done nothing but talk and he’s done a lot of listening to his customers. But Eve’s been home alone in that garden for 10 days. She’s got 500,000 words saved up to speak to the next human she encounters. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to hang on every word for 500,000 words?” “Peterrrrrrrr.” “I’m sorry, God. I didn’t mean any disrespect. "That was just a rhetorical question, God,” Peter said lowering his head. “I invented those too, you know. Remember when I asked Adam where he had been, when he’d been trying to hide from me right after he ate the forbidden fruit?” “That’s right! You asked the first rhetorical question. Wow! You knew what he’d do all along, didn’t You?” “Yes, I did. And I knew all along that men and women would have a hard time getting along under the same roof.” “You did?” “Sure.” “Then why did You make them so different?” “There are two reasons. “First, I’m lonely. People don’t talk to me as much as I’d like for them to. I don’t like to watch TV. The movies are so lame; I don’t see what people see in them. And reality TV is an abomination. Sports on TV is almost idol worship. So, it’s great entertainment for me to watch couples work out their differences.” “But all of them don’t work out their differences. So why did You make them so different?” “I know they don’t,” God said, with a touch of uncharacteristic sadness in his voice. “Many of them just can’t make it. They think they’re supposed to live blissfully happy all the time, like when they first married, or that they’re supposed to see everything the same way. It’s a shame.” “You mentioned two reasons.” “Yes. Their differences bring me to the second reason. If they were both alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” “Wow. I’d never thought of that,” Peter said pulling his beard. “Pretty funny, huh?” “Yes. Yes it is,” Peter said with a far-off gleam in his eye. “In a subtle sort of way.” HLG |
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| Harvey
L. Gardner is an author, syndicated columnist, and speaker. Tantalizing Trivialities is a mixture
of fun, frivolity, nostalgia, inspiration, humor, love, marriage, tall tales, work, and other
absurdities. He lives in White House, Tennessee. Your comments, suggestions, and inquiries are
welcome. Email: Harvey@HarveyGardner.com © 2004, Harvey L. Gardner |
