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| Of course he doesn’t know me, we didn’t have interactive media in 1965, so all our communication has been one-way coming from my direction. I now admire Sean Connery as an actor. There is none better. But in the early days, I admired his character, James Bond. He was suave, debonair, romantic, handsome, fearless, and rugged, not to mention scheming, intelligent, and downright tuff. And that voice. And that smirk! Drove women wild. Still does. That’s how I visualized myself then. Well, to be honest, I still do. Heck, I’m only 65. My wife, Linda, admired Sean Connery and James Bond for a whole nother set of reasons. I can’t get into those right now, but maybe this little story about our first James Bond experience will give you a clue. We lived in Beaufort, South Carolina, near the Marine Corps Air Station. We saw ‘From Russia With Love’ at the base movie. It was our first introduction to Sean and James. Shortly after that, we watched "Goldfinger." The movie had everything that makes a movie fun--romance, violence, action, intrigue, humor, chases, explosions, suspense, technical effects. It was terrific. As usual Bond ended up with the woman (Or is it the other way around?). In an early scene, the woman was dressed in Bond’s pajama top and Bond of course was wearing the matching bottom, with his sexy, hairy chest right out there in front of my wife and everybody. I didn’t see his hairy chest. Linda just told me about it. I was watching the pajama top. Driving home to our two-room, cement-block house under the live oaks along the Inland Waterway, Linda was quieter than usual. Then she said, "You know those new pajamas mother gave you for Christmas?" "Yeah. I’ve never worn them." "I knowwww. Wanta play James Bond?" "You talked me into it." We jumped out of the car and raced into the house. One of us, (I don’t remember which. Who can remember those things at a time like that?), ripped the plastic off the pajamas. Linda ran into the bathroom to change. The bedroom was too small for two people. We had to stand on the bed to open the dresser drawers. Not too many minutes passed before she opened the door and stepped into the bedroom. We just stared at each other, dumbfounded. Instantly, all passion dissipated. There she stood with my pajama top below her knees, the sleeves hanging at least six inches past her invisible fingers. There I stood with my pajama bottom, the legs crumpled in a pile of fabric covering my feet. Neither of us said a word for several seconds. Then in unison we burst out laughing. Romance melted into recent fantasy and just evaporated into the night. Sometimes things just don’t work out for me, but they always work out for James Bond. How can you not like a guy like that? HLG |
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| Harvey
L. Gardner is an author, syndicated columnist, and speaker. Tantalizing Trivialities is a mixture
of fun, frivolity, nostalgia, inspiration, humor, love, marriage, tall tales, work, and other
absurdities. He lives in White House, Tennessee. Your comments, suggestions, and inquiries are
welcome. Email: Harvey@HarveyGardner.com © 2004, Harvey L. Gardner |
