 |
| Now there’s some news. Reportedly, the French Parliament one day was debating women’s suffrage. A member arose with great dignity to oppose giving women the right to vote. "Women are different," he said. Almost immediately, the story goes, the entire Parliament arose and in unison shouted, "Vive la difference!" I agree with the French Parliament. Different is good! If you were born before last Tuesday, you’ve noticed that men and women approach things differently. Before you women get out your poison pens, let me hasten to say again that different isn’t a bad thing. It’s just different. For instance, men don’t go to the bathroom in groups. And women don’t clean out their ears with a car key. You men reading this will laugh at me, but I like to go grocery shopping with my wife. One of life’s little pleasures for me is watching women go through the checkout line at supermarkets. I’ve been keeping a tally of the number of times women have their money ready when the cashier gives them the total. I estimate I’ve watched this ritual 1,813 times, not counting convenience stores and Wal-Mart. The score is: Not Ready, 1611; Ready, 202. Here’s the way it works. The woman meanders about the store for about an hour and 43 minutes. (My wife takes longer because this is where she visits with her friends who don’t get their hair fixed where she does.) A woman picks out 50 to 75 items which she methodically weighs, squeezes, shakes, and sniffs before placing into her shopping cart. Usually the checkout line is long enough for her to read two or three tabloids while she’s waiting. She reads clandestinely because she wouldn’t admit reading one of those rags, much less buying one. I personally have never seen a woman buy a supermarket tabloid. Maybe they sneak out on weekday mornings when their husbands are at work, read them with their second cup of coffee, and donate them to the thrift store on their way to the beauty shop. At last it’s her turn at the register. She watches each price as it flashes up there in those little computerized numbers on the cash register screen. She also makes sure credit is given for all her coupons which she spent Sunday afternoon organizing in her little suede coupon pouch. She patiently identifies acorn squash, garlic, broccoli, and collard greens for the checkout girl, who thought all food came from jars, cans, bottles, and McDonald’s until last week when she turned 16 and her dad made her get a job in return for buying her a second-hand Chevy. Well the checkout is finished, the coupons are audited, and the total is somewhere near the cost of a gallon of gas. At this point, caught totally off guard, she begins to search for her purse. Not her money, not her checkbook, not her credit card, but her purse. I’m amazed, and I might add delighted, every time I see this little drama, which is every time I go to a supermarket. Men, on the other hand, are never surprised when they have to pay. Apparently they know they’re expected to pay at the checkout, and have already counted out their money two or three times before getting there. Visits to a store, usually Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Auto Zone, or the bait shop, never require more that five or 10 minutes for men. They know what they want and what it costs. Men get out of their cars pulling out all the money they have in their pockets. They count it walking across the parking lot toward the store. They count it again inside on the way to the sporting goods or hardware department. They never shop anywhere else. They find it. They buy it. They take it outside, throw it in their pickup, all in just eight to nine minutes flat and drive it home. Never mind that they forgot what the wife asked them to buy. They’ll pick that up after work Thursday. HLG |
|
| Harvey
L. Gardner is an author, syndicated columnist, and speaker. Tantalizing Trivialities is a mixture
of fun, frivolity, nostalgia, inspiration, humor, love, marriage, tall tales, work, and other
absurdities. He lives in White House, Tennessee. Your comments, suggestions, and inquiries are
welcome. Email: Harvey@HarveyGardner.com © 2004, Harvey L. Gardner |
|
| Tantalizing Trivialities Archive | |
|
